bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
