I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
