Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
