i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
