I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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