On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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