also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
