gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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