what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
