I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
