Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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