Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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