I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All the doctor said was why
Randomize