i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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