Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Even my vagina gasped.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
