that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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