Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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