She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize