very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
