My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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