ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
