I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I could make wine with my vomit
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
