Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize