just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
