the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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