i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
