ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
