On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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