you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
