Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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