I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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