Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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