that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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