We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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