And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
