Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
