i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize