I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need moral support for this bender
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
