I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
