It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The air was thick with penises
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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