So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
