I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
