Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
