he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
