i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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