Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
