I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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