if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
