My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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