I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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