Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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