dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
