dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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