She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
