never play flip cup with pint glasses
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
