Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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