her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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