hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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