oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
