That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I've blown a few things in my day
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
