I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
