It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
