you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
