i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
