is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
